Down the drain

So this week, I'm focusing on traveling while nursing/pumping. I traveled earlier this week without my baby. I was only gone a day but I wanted to share my experience with you.

I am a fearful flier. I don't do it well. Though, this trip, I managed to make it there and back with no tears and even some relaxing on the flight. That probably had to do with my incredibly long day and a sweet little pill, Mr. Xanax.

I never flew before September 11, 2001. I hated the idea of flying. Up in the air in a tin can? Why, why would people do that? However, I have had to fly several times since then. Some short flights, some long flights. All met with the same fear: I will die on this trip.

For trip one, I called my doctor's office and asked for something, anything, to help me stay calm. They prescribed a little Xanax and it really helped. I've made the same call prior to each flight. This flight would be no different. I went to my daughter's nine-month well-baby visit last week, explained my plight and my doctor wrote the prescription but with this warning: you'll have to dump the milk for four hours after taking the pill.

This was actually probably a blessing in disguise. Now I didn't have to worry about keeping it cold enough on while I was traveling. I didn't need to worry about that added stress going through security. And I have a supply built up, whoa do I.

But I have to say, after pumping, dumping it down the drain was not easy. I'd just dump it and turn away, remembering that I was dumping it because of my stupid inability to calm myself before and during most flights. Bye-bye liquid gold.

On the return trip, I was so exhausted that I considered not taking the Xanax and just saving the milk, but by that point I had pumped twice and dumped it and I didn't have any bottles or ice packs with me. So I took the pill...mostly because I could. It helped too because we had to fly over some storms.

Dump is never easy, but, for me, neither is flying.